Finding Ourselves Through Others

image by oprisco

Image by Oprisco

I celebrate myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. 

“Song of Myself”- Walt Whitman

Through my relationship with my mother I came to understand that what you see in others is a reflection of yourself. Each and every relationship in life is an opportunity for self-discovery and soul-growth.

Growing up I heard my mom say “yo no sirvo para eso” on numerous occasions. “I’m not good enough for that,” this is what I’ve been hearing ever since I can remember. When I was young I didn’t understand but as I got older and kept hearing her say those 5 little words I thought for sure my head would start spinning backwards.

I love my mother, unconditionally, but this self-imposed helplessness just drives me insane. I can’t stand it the fact that she thinks so little of herself and has let so many great opportunities slip by because of it. I just want to scream in her face, “god woman what is wrong with you how can you belittle yourself like that, going by this tune all of your life so helpless, so weak.”

The truth of the matter is, this bothers me so damn much about her because I am exactly the same way. How dare I judge her so harshly when I am just as weak. I have a long list of regrets, oh so many! My life has been a vicious cycle of self-doubt, fear of failure, and inaction.

It didn’t take me long after that realization to understand that from those I’ve judged so harshly there was something to learn about myself. From my shopaholic cousin, from my shallow ex-boyfriend, from my judgmental friend– I’ve come to understand that every time I’ve judge someone I was really judging myself.

The act of self-discovery wouldn’t be possible if there weren’t people to relate to. Certainly turning inward for introspection is essential, but social contact is critical to the very development of a self-concept. We can get to certain parts of ourselves through others that we just can’t get to on our own.

Relationships are mirror images of our own lives they reflect how we feel and treat ourselves, and how we react and respond to various situations around us.

The next time you meet someone ask yourself what traits about them attract you to them or repel them because if we are all one and we are all connected then there is no doubt that each of us reflects something in another. Consider what is being presented to you through your relationships and interactions with others. Come to understand that all relationships are really about you.

Is there any relationship in your life serving as a mirror to see your own reflection on a soul level? What did you learn about yourself from that person?

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Categories: Philosophy, Positive Psychology, Truth Moment

Author:raimyd

My name is Raimy, I’m a soul-searching writer and amateur photographer. Creative-guru is a by-product of a deep creative passion for personal and spiritual growth.

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26 Comments on “Finding Ourselves Through Others”

  1. February 21, 2013 at 12:55 am #

    I learned to let go of the mind made me… Let go of attachment to an identity and self so the true being could emerge.. It wasn’t til I did that that true love was no more of an obstacle. Beautiful post my friend!

    • February 21, 2013 at 9:22 am #

      Like loose your mind find your soul, I get exactly what you mean Clark. After we get through all the pre-conceived notions of who we are supposed to be that’s when we can really flourish, Thanks for sharing your insights.

  2. February 21, 2013 at 3:58 am #

    you’re right Raimy, when i look at my dad, i see my own failings. which is why i don’t speak with him.
    but a bad teacher is also an important teacher, i always strive to better his inadequacies.

    • February 21, 2013 at 9:28 am #

      You know my mom once told that when she was my age she used to think that when she had a child she would show more affection than her mom did, since that’s what she lacked in her youth. I guess I’ll be teaching my kids how to be self-sufficient strong badasses, that’s how I’ll better our inadequacies. Thanks for the words of advice. I’m sorry to hear things are like that with your dad 😦

  3. February 21, 2013 at 7:00 am #

    Great post Raimy-D, I couldn’t agree more on more than one level. First that often we reflect into others our own weaknesses. Especially when it comes to judgments. That was a hard lesson for me to realize, much later in life than you, that all of the judgments and fears about others was all about myself! Now I analyze every feeling that people I come in contact with stir. Why am I angry, frustrated, confused. Almost always it is something I need to work on. I am out of time right now and have to run so part two of my comment later, but Great post, love the thought, I reiterate my assessment of you my friend, ANYTHING you want to do, can be done! Have a great day.

    • February 21, 2013 at 9:30 am #

      Thanks Jonathan, I can’t wait to hear more about your experiences on the subject.

      • February 22, 2013 at 1:55 pm #

        Hey Raimy-D, I finally had a moment to finish my thought on this great writing. It is about connections, and you are so right. For quite awhile, I had these powerful growth experiences, I never shared them with anyone, and eventually I had to seek others out who are looking for self awareness or understanding their place in the world. It was amazing how many others were looking. Sharing outside of yourself is vital to growth. At least it has been for me. Thank you for the great writing. I am doing the free write this weekend. For some reason I am a bit nervous to do it. Afraid of what answers may come to questions. I may need your help to decipher them, and tell me what they mean.

      • February 23, 2013 at 10:19 am #

        I agree 100%, sharing outside of yourself is vital to growth. This blog and all the people that have wondered here to share their thoughts have truly been a blessing in my life. Your comments especially have been extremely helpful to me. I’m looking forward to the free write, I dont know why I just love that kind of subconscious stuff and analyzing is my favorite part haha. I’ll hop on over to your blog whenever you post it.

      • February 23, 2013 at 10:24 am #

        Awesome probably on Sunday hopefully, I will do the writing tomorrow, what questions do you think I should ask? I feel like this will be like shaking the magic 8 ball, I will probably get a try again or it looks doubtful. 🙂 I am willing to give it a go.

      • February 23, 2013 at 10:29 am #

        I would ask: what is the next step I should take in my life?… and well don’t worry about what comes out just go with the flow there is no way you can go wrong on this exercise.

      • February 23, 2013 at 10:31 am #

        What if the answer is blank, there is no next step, then an asteroid hits me and I am no longer able to comment on your blog? then what? 🙂

      • February 23, 2013 at 10:35 am #

        haha man that’s one wild what if! well let’s hope its not a blank because that would really suck.

      • February 23, 2013 at 10:47 am #

        No kidding. Although I know that is not likely,I do have other fears that are less dramatic but still a bit scary. The ego does its tricks on everyone. I am going to hold my breath and just jump.

  4. February 21, 2013 at 9:27 am #

    I agree with this post completely. I’m sure just about every relationship in my life is reflecting something back at me. And I have noticed that my most judgmental friends are also the ones who most fear being judged. I think they suspect that others are serving up what they’re dishing out – cold, harsh judgments. Which is a shame because they’re lovely people and no one is actually judging them; if they’d drop their judgments of others, they’d feel more secure in themselves.

    • February 21, 2013 at 9:40 am #

      It’s always hard to approach friends that are like that, on the one hand you want to tell them and on the other you just don’t know how do it without creating tension. Have you ever approached them about it.

      • February 21, 2013 at 10:34 am #

        I haven’t, although I’ve tried to hint here and there that they’re not being judged as much as they think they are. It’s a touchy topic, and I try not to dole out advice unless asked (ha, except on my blog!!!)

  5. February 22, 2013 at 10:04 am #

    You are taking huge steps here, Raimy, towards love, kindness, and abundance. Can’t wait to see you blossom. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

    • February 22, 2013 at 8:24 pm #

      Thanks Kozo, I’m glad we were able to connect in the blogosphere to share our soul-growth experiences. {{{hugs}}}

  6. February 23, 2013 at 9:59 am #

    Hey Raimy!!! Your blog has such motivating content, it always makes me think! I’ve nominated you for The Very Inspiring Blogger Award and you can check out the details on my blog here: http://laekanzeakemp.wordpress.com/2013/02/23/inspiring-blogger-award/

    • February 23, 2013 at 10:23 am #

      Hi Laekan! Thank you for the Inspiring blogger nomination and for reading. Congratulations on your nomination, it is very well deserved 😉

  7. February 23, 2013 at 9:48 pm #

    i love this line – “Each and every relationship in life is an opportunity for self-discovery and soul-growth.”

    • February 23, 2013 at 9:56 pm #

      Thanks Mischievous! Have you had a soul-growth relationship experience?

  8. February 23, 2013 at 10:25 pm #

    I hope you don’t mind, but i added 2 lines as a quotes into my blog,, and i mentioned your post too!!! Soul-growth experience,, yeah through one of my best friends. We both have the same issues usually about things. And it makes me feel normal, that i’m not the only one who thinks like that!!
    But mostly, i’m like my dad. I have realised due to some reason, if i get angry, i am super pissed for the first five minutes. I get so pissed, that i start banging stuff. Then when i cool down, i realised there was no reason to get so mad!! And then i try to sort it out. And i see this getting super angry for a short time in my dad too. Now i just try to not get mad and irritated on small things. Learning to keep calm! 🙂

    • February 25, 2013 at 2:10 pm #

      Learning to keep calm, I’m working on this myself! It can be hard sometimes with all the pressures and stresses of life. I find that talking a short break outdoors is most helpful, even opening a window and breathing in fresh air does wonders.

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