If I’m not who I think I am, then who the hell am I?


“Only a life lived in a certain spirit is worth living. It is a remarkable fact that a life lived entirely from the ego is dull not only for the person himself but for all concerned.”

– Carl G. Jung


How can I begin to describe how good it feels to finally get my head out of my ass. The clean fresh air at times is hard tohead up your ass gasp, but I’m so relieved to finally be able to breath.

For 24 years I had been suffocating in a belief that once I achieved success, recognition, praise, and popularity I would finally be happy. What a cathartic realization that no this would not be so. After reading Take Me To Truth: Undoing the Ego, by far the best laxative, I realized that all the things I thought would bring me lasting happiness are completely susceptible to loss, destruction and change and will eventually lead to stress or disappointment.

So if not money, a career, a home, or recognition, what in the hell is going to bring me PERMANENT happiness— is there even such a thing?

The answer I found was that the experience that we seek to satiate all our physical, emotional, and spiritual hunger is to wholenessknow ourselves as whole, integrated, Infinite Beings. That the only thing preventing us from achieving wholeness is our Ego- the mess of emotional attachments that we have mistaken for our identity.

Furthermore, only after undoing the Ego will we finally be able to experience the love, peace, and joy that we so desperately yearn for.love_does_not_compute_cute_robot_sticker-p217591592622281762envb3_400

I’ll admit, the answer was not at all what I was hoping for. That the key to happiness is absolute communion with Love is just really hard for me to compute. As much as I want to say that I totally embrace this concept, I really don’t at least not yet. This whole Love and Infinite Beings notion is just so different than anything I’ve ever believed in. My entire life’s programming seems incompatible with such a lovey-dovey, new agey world view.

BUT… Even though I can’t appreciate the answer yet, I do trust that if I ever want to feel physical, spiritual, and emotional fulfillment the next step is to figure out exactly who I am and who I’m not.

If I’m not my ego, i.e all the emotions, opinions, desires, and beliefs I’m attached to, then who the hell am I?balancing_act_by_thebeastisback-d3k62w4

We are all too busy juggling our daily trivialities to question the meaning of life, let alone question our very identity, but at some point we have to stop and question.

I’ve been identifying myself with my ego for 24 years, but being the ever-changing contents of my minds has just gotten too damn exhausting and unsatisfying.

The time to question is now.

Defining The Ego: ego_by_chekovskie1980

The ego is shallow

The ego is foolish

The ego is a fraidy cat

The ego is touchy

The ego is a roller coaster ride

It thrives from the belief that we are a separate entity, a kind of I’m-on-my-own mentality.

If it had a catch phrase it would be: “it’s a crazy messed up world, all we can do is try our best to protect ourselves, maintain control over our lives, seek pleasure and happiness while trying to avoid pain, fend off death for as long as possible and hope for the best.”

But could it be possible that there is something more to life?

There is something more and it sure isn’t running around and acting out the dramas of a mistaken identity.

If you find yourself take on offense, defensiveness, denial, outrage or anger know that this is your ego fighting to remain in control of you. I faced exactly the same kind of denial, but think about what the ego-self is for a second.

The ego identity was created in the first 36 months of life based on the needs that were met and not being met. From this we developed a core belief system with which to deal with the rest of our lives.

So we’ve been coursing through life guided by a system we created in our infancy?!small__4790301655

How are we supposed to lead adult live’s with a infant belief system?

We must learn to recognize that emotions and thoughts are sensory inputs and not who we really are. We are not how we feel, we are not the fleeting thoughts that cross our minds, and we are not our cravings.

So who would we be if we were to give up all of our beliefs and attachments up to this point? 

Who we are is a hybrid species made of both spirit and matter. We are creative spiritual beings with so much more potential than we give ourselves credit for.

It takes willpower to undo the ego, but if your ready to move forward in a positive direction in life take the time to observe where adjustments are required or which decisions need to be changed.

small__4836901191Life really is all about learning, don’t play the victim of your ego. Wake up and take responsibility for becoming a healthy and whole human being.

Join me in the undoing experience, there is nothing more liberating than freeing yourself from a limiting ego-image and becoming fully aware of your true self.

I leave you with these daily affirmations I found in a book called How to Be an Adult: Synergy of Ego & Self. They have been helpful for me in the transformation process, I hope they will be for you as well.

Daily Transformation Affirmations:

    • Wonderful changes are happening in me; I allow them
    • I lighten up on myself and others
    • I acknowledge as my own potential what  I strongly admire in others
    • I acknowledge what I despise in others as a denied part of myself
    • I transform every defect into a capacity
    • I honor myself as I am
    • I am gentle toward my inner fears

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Categories: Life, Positive Psychology


My name is Raimy, I’m a soul-searching writer and amateur photographer. Creative-guru is a by-product of a deep creative passion for personal and spiritual growth.

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19 Comments on “If I’m not who I think I am, then who the hell am I?”

  1. March 1, 2013 at 10:35 am #

    I do not have time this moment to comment all that this deserves but I will this afternoon. Fantastic post and great thoughts. Anyone who is looking for themselves has to get around this ego fella in order to find what they are looking for.

    • March 1, 2013 at 10:36 am #

      Yea this post is a little longer than usual, I think because I have so much experience with this darn ego fella. But thanks Jonathan for stopping by, I look forward to your comments later on.

  2. March 1, 2013 at 12:34 pm #

    very deep, i’m gonna have to reread when the brat’s gone to bed 🙂

    • March 1, 2013 at 1:25 pm #

      I’m looking forward to your comment 🙂

  3. March 1, 2013 at 1:58 pm #

    I’ve always had a hard time wrapping my head around the ego, so thank you for this thoughtful post and the references to helpful books. Like you said, “This whole Love and Infinite Beings notion is just so different than anything I’ve ever believed in. My entire life’s programming seems incompatible with such a lovey-dovey, new agey world view.” But I’m interested in learning more – keep it coming!

    • March 2, 2013 at 11:41 am #

      I will! I think I’ll be writing a series of ego posts, this book so interesting pretty much every chapter has insightful revelations I’d like to share.

      • March 2, 2013 at 12:47 pm #

        Great – I need the tutorial! All I know of ego is what I teach in 101, which is that it balances the id and superego. This really doesn’t help me at all…!

      • March 2, 2013 at 12:51 pm #

        yea same here! Being unaware of what it is, it continues holding us hostage.

  4. March 1, 2013 at 4:40 pm #

    Ok I am back and I have nothing but time to talk ego. First I mentioned it on Facebook but really the best intro line ever!! Now imagine being almost twice as old and feeling the same way! That is me. I have often said that I lived much of my life unaware of the questions let alone the answers to what will make you happy. I believed that it was stability, career, and building a family. It never made me happy. There were periods of contentment but not happiness. I often wondered, “This is it?” And the disappointment was a lot. I was snapped out of this malaise by events in life. Then I started to look for my authentic self. That is where I think the ego comes in. Its job is to keep you safe. As you said most of the programming is done pretty early on. But most of us listen unquestionably to all of the stupid, mean, self defeating crap that the ego tells you. It breeds and lives of fear. It stops you from finding your true self, because if you do, there is no reason for the ego to exist anymore.
    One of the many reasons I am so impressed with you Raimy-D is that at such a young age you are looking for the answers. That is a gift. Keep looking and writing and showing your authentic self. It is something to see.

    • March 2, 2013 at 11:48 am #

      Thanks a million Jonathan for sharing your experiences. You are someone I look up to and learn from every day. I’m fascinated by the way the ego works, how it has kept us trapped for so long. This book I’m reading talks about us living in a dream state, a made up reality and not many people seem to be aware of it. A couple of my friends probably think I’m such weirdo, they are very much into making money and living in the moment, at times I wonder if this is what I should be doing also. I will keep looking and learning and sharing. 🙂 Thank you for your encouragement.

  5. March 1, 2013 at 11:09 pm #

    That is the most important question to ask: Who am I? You are not your name, body, mind, emotions, job title, or anything of that sort. You are the one who sees it all. You are the consciousness within. The fact that you are “aware” of all the above, proves that you are not any one of them.

    There is more to say here, but I prefer not to take much of your comment space. If you’re interested, we could continue this interesting dialogue off-line.

    The Soaring Eagle

    • March 2, 2013 at 11:54 am #

      Thank you Soaring Eagle for sharing your insights! You seem to have finally freed yourself of the ego. Yes, I would definitely like to learn more about your experience with the ever-elusive ego.

  6. March 2, 2013 at 7:41 am #

    Wow. This has really got me thinking and wanting to know where I’m meant to look to find my ‘true/authentic self’. Like you say, when you take away emotions, beliefs, opinions, desires, achievements etc. what’s left?!

    • March 2, 2013 at 11:59 am #

      One place we can start looking for the authentic self is in the quiet moments we can reflect about what is within. Here is something I read that really struck a cord with: “intellectual capital became the ego’s most envied prize. Wisdom was forgotten in favor of intellectual prowess and material accumulation. Thinking and doing became glorified, while the quiet reflective states of being and realization were cast aside and drowned out by the ego.” I think going back to quiet, aloneness, and nature is the beginning. What do you think?

      • March 3, 2013 at 2:44 pm #

        This reminds me of the Buddhist idea of enlightenment – it’s a very deep concept and difficult, for me at least, to understand. I’d say that getting away from the material world and society’s expectations would be a good place to start, and taking time to reflect on experiences and our own feelings and attitudes towards them.

      • March 3, 2013 at 6:30 pm #

        Yes! Extactly, which isn’t always easy to do. Sometimes we just take our feelings and attitudes at face value instead of reflecting on them. They just feel so real.

  7. Ganapathy
    May 14, 2013 at 8:39 pm #

    I’m having a hard time grasping this idea of the “ego” not being me. Because when I think of ego I think of consciousness. I cant quite understand how one can be self aware without an ego?

    • May 17, 2013 at 3:05 pm #

      The ego is definitely a difficult subject to explain, hence why there are so many theories. I guess when I think of the “ego” I’m thinking about a sort of superficial self that we’ve developed over time made up statements like- my name is, I’m from, I’m in a relationship with, what i do for a living is, I own this and that, etc. What I seek then is to reach a higher level of consciousness, one that isn’t as material as the ego. I guess it all depends on how you define the word “ego.”


  1. Overcoming the greatest fear « sweetlyindecisive - June 13, 2013

    […] chapter that refers to this immediately reminded me of a post by Raimy over at Creative Guru: If I’m not who I think I am then who the hell am I? Lee talks about how the body can’t define the self due to its constant changing, and due to […]

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