Monologue of an Underachiever

There’s a million things to do and only 2 days to do all in; the weekend, those 2 fleeting days we all live for. I hate not having ownership over 40 hours of my life. There is so little time left over to do what truly makes me happy.

All of life has felt like a battle with time, so many obligations and insignificant nuisances robbing me of the joy of solitude. On my bed, I could sit all day with some coffee on my nightstand, a wi-fi connected laptop, a couple stacks of books, my tarot card deck, and my journal with a fine tip pen at hand. That is bliss, but bliss ends abruptly when I start to think about tomorrow and all the things I will not manage to do today.

How do people decide this is what I’m going to go for in life and then work tirelessly towards that goal? Where do they get the energy, the will-power, the time? What is so different about me and them? What’s the difference between the overachievers and the underachievers? How do people manage to live full, thriving lives that make positive impacts upon the world? What is the difference between us?

I’m sure one of them is our way of thinking, what they think is possible of being accomplished, what they think they are capable of achieving, what they think of themselves above all. Yes, I’m sure of it! This must be the main difference between the achievers and non-achievers.

The underachievers, like me, think there isn’t enough time to do what they need to do. They think it’s already too late. The underachievers always have some limiting excuse that they believe in so much more than they believe in their ability to achieve. Not enough money, not enough time, not enough experience, not enough resources…My great big limiting excuse is my parents.

My parents never set very high standards for me and how could they, they themselves have not managed to achieve much in their lives. Their biggest accomplishment was leaving an island ruled by a dictator to start a new life as modern-day slaves in a country ruled by greed. Their everyday lives consist of work and television, and when there is no work and nothing good on T.V., they go to sleep.

How can they be content with just going to work, making a paycheck, paying bills, and watching T.V., how can anyone? I blame them for my lack of motivation! If only they had pushed me a little harder or inspired me to do anything other than keep repeating the cycle. Now I don’t know what else to do with my life. I don’t know if I’m capable, I’m afraid of trying and failing. I’m afraid of not trying and failing by default. I’m just so afraid.

I’ve come to realize that it’s easier to play the victim than to create your life your way. So much easier to just be pushed and shoved whichever way the wind may blow, than to spread your wings and fly in a direction of your own choosing. This way, you can blame “them” for the outcome of your tiny, insignificant life.

Stifled life,  can I even call this living. Shrinking consciousness, you think so little of yourself. What dared you dream about long ago? Now you never dare dream at all. How little power you wield, you gave it all away. So much pressure to do this or that. So much shame, for having wasted your life away. 

What was it you set out to do? Do you even remember anymore? We never really forget, we just choose not to remember.

Have some compassion for your miserable soul. For it never intended for life to be this way, yet just as you chose this small, insignificant role so too you can choose to be the star of your own production.

I’ve decided to drop all my excuses and reclaim my power, I’ve decided to decide for myself how I want to live my life. I’m not going to leave my life in the hands of chance, or destiny, or other people. I’m going to set a destination and flap my wings and fly toward that destination. Above all else, I’m going to believe in my ability to get there so much more than in my excuses for not.

How can I so easily come up with reasons as to why I can’t do it, but not reasons for why I can do it!?!

I don’t know how to start.

I don’t know who to turn to for help.

I don’t have enough education/ experience.

I don’t have enough money or resources.

I don’t have enough time, this full-time job is killing me!

Hmmm… what if I gave the other way around a try, coming up with reasons why I can do it!

I love writing!

Putting my thoughts into writing helps me develop and grow!

If I don’t try it, I’ll live a life full of regrets!

I want to live a full life, and deep in my heart, I know that living a full life includes writing.

I want to write, this is what I want to do with my life and I’m done compromising.

What would life look like if instead of believing in the reasons why I can’t, I started to believe in all the reasons why I can! Thus far, my great faith in the Can’ts has manifested one hundred percent accurately. What if I put a little more faith and energy on the Cans, what would life be like then?

I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by choosing to place my faith consciously on the Cans and see what manifests.

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Categories: Fears, How I found myself, Life, Positive Psychology, Truth Moment

Author:raimyd

My name is Raimy, I’m a soul-searching writer and amateur photographer. Creative-guru is a by-product of a deep creative passion for personal and spiritual growth.

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